i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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