He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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