I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize