I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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