i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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