Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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