I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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