I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
