i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
