I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize