Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she told me i tasted like america
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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