he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize