every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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