On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
