I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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