This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize