four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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