Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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