There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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