I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
