I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
