come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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