I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
