the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
