"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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