i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
