this beer tastes like vomit already
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
