i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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