We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
