Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
