don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
