everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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