my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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