I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
