doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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