That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
