considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
