Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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