Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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