I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
