Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
