high people should be assigned attendants
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
