my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
birth control should be required to get into college
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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