i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
