we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
