she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
