I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just cropdusted the office
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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