thus making me awesome and them whores
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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