I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
