Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
