Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
