ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
