Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
