is your mom at the bar?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
