You're my little dorito
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
