So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
