There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
