if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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