You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
