we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize