He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
