I forgot how hot balto sounded
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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