She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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