Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
