That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
