Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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