Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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