I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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