You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
