I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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