just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize